Take it, Take all that I have

Just snuggling in my ned. So,ethings neber change while others are changing ebery second. Worta like me mood that temds to be no where and everywhere at once.Ohhh my glob i hate the type oh's in here but there is nothing i can do to change them. (im on my iPad). Lets see whats new um... my hair is blomde my parents trust me at like 1%. bit i cant blame them i havemt been perfect like i promised my 15 year oldself. sorry i let you down. I just expected better from myself and all i got was everything i never ever dreamed would be. The shit that has happened to ne has been my own fault this time. i just cant seem to snape out of ot. i want boys and lots o f them! Im a heart breaker and ive had my heart broken so now ots like im out to it everyome . So i can hurt the, nefore they hirt me. in a sick way it sounds about right. I think its time for me to change but i domt know how and im scared as hell.  Playing guitar and singing plus sleeping are the only things thay keep me saine these days. school syarts in like two days. i wanna cry it all cant be real. None of this can ne. it has to be a nightmare that i cant wake up from. Someone help me. please but i dont want help i just want to be able to forgive myself and move on and not make tthe same mistakes i have over and over again.What else is there to say? im ugly fat stupid shameful sinful hateful rude stuck up judgementel. just a shit of shit no ome could eber love or even like ...orwanna be like me. i just crave love. kissing hugging snuggling ....bit

Losing your self.

Lately i just feel like shit. this past Wednesday mom and i got into a fight, Mrs.Alt found out i skipped her class twice and Bayleigh H. was spreading rumors to the whole cheer squad. Then everything with my parents fighting, school in general, and Whitney was to much for me to handle. So after three and half years of being clean, my wrist bled from perfect cuts that i had made. It just sucks. I should be happy, i have Flame, Bryce, schools almost out and its almost Summer. But I guess thats what the "almost" are for. hahah oh and o got my car taken away for not coming home at Bryce's house when i was suppose to. Aunt Meme has to pick me up from track practice at 7 on Monday.
URGH! i honest have thought more about killing myself theses last few days then i have ever in my whole life. The only thing i relized stopping me is my future with Bryce. I wanna be Mrs.Bryce Mikel Cashman <3. I want his babies. I want to be a military wife!! I just want to grow up and be out of college married to him. I have been crazy about guys before. Not like this though, this time its wayyyyyyy different. I love him and he loves me. *knock on wood* I had to its my anxiety.

well right now i am on Tumblr and looking up things on Sybil. She really interests me. I am also dreading how i have to work tomorrow.... fo;h eihgi  I want to have Flame and not work like i do. I mean will clean stalls just for him and stuff. But this stuff for the other horses...no. Well i love them all dont get me wrong but flame will always be my boy. I love him, and he is going to college with me <3.

...bye MEC.
(idk when my next update will be..school and family pretty much keeps me busy)..sadly (honestly i with i was home schooled again.)

Who owns my heart?

"The way you got your body move has me confused" - Miley C.

Thanks giving breeeaaakkk! I need this break, but gosh am i missing everyone. Like i don't a certain someone who is ..k its Bryce. I just have a crush its all good. Austin and I broke up.
I'm going to make this short sorry i really don't feel like typing.

Just leave me speechless

My oh my time flies. You have no idea how much i need to tell you guys, this whole being grounded ordeal is not working out. No phone no internet IS killing me. Hahaha now i have you wondering why "how are you on now?" Well i told my mom i had to do homework which i did but i finished it so i thought would sneak on here and get you guys updated.
First of all I got my drivers license, so that mean driving around in my diesel truck of a mustang. My boyfriend always makes fun of it, but deep down i know he secretly likes it. Also yes Morgan you are not forever alone anymore. No its not Jordan nor Matt or anyone I would have guessed. Its Austin...ya he looks like Justin Bieber.  Now I sound like I'm 13 lol Whateverrr he does. We have this thing where he called me Taylor (taylor swift0 which in my opinion I look like Fergie just sayin. Umm what else is new...nothing really went back to West Platte I am over whelmed with studying for Tests. I have one tomorrow four on Friday. All i can say is atleast I have a social life!! lol I am not meant to be home schooled. I would never take it back, but at the same time never again.
Tumblr still amazing. Flame still my baby yet noddy and has a dominate problem. Wanda sold Cody (the pony) and is shutting down the boarding business. I think Dick is retiring ...I honestly hope nothing more happens.  Like no more Okamont all together :'( I hate to think about it but its always on my mind.
Also haters gonna hate. If you have haters you must be doing something right. If they try to bring you down, its only because your above them. I always have to keep this in mind, girls can be so catty and such bitches.
To be honest my relationship with God isn't the best. I am working on though. It really sucks public school just drains me of everything. When I was homeschooled I was so close to him now its like I feel guilty to even pray. I haven't done anything HUGE its just the little things that add up like not praying :/
Thursday (tomorrow better go by fast!) Friday school day as well. because Friday night Austin and I get to hang out. (hopefully)

"because when I'm riding, all i feel is free"

Did chorus around the barn, I got there at eight and left around five. I ended up getting done a little early so, I rode Flame bareback with a bridal and we cantered around the arena. It was so amazing the music that was being played was perfect<3. I can't wait until we can just take off in a field. During my lunch break I cantered with Buck in the soft saddle. (His canter is amazing, so easy to ride) I guess he was feeling good because he tried to buck. I could tell he was happy. Most of the little kids work with him, he doesn't really get pasted the slow trot with them lol. I also ended up riding Cody, the barn pony who is like 12 hands. We rode outside in his pasture bareback with just a halter and trotted around. I must have looked so funny on him considering I'm 5'9 1/2 haha. So I guess today was pretty good. Although I know I'm going to be sore tomorrow!

Asswagon? is that really his last name?!

Uhh yeah some guy on facebook's last name is Asswagon. lmao. Me and Ashley found this out at the water park when we were facebook creepin while tanning. Moves like Jagger by Marron 5 ft. Christina Aguilera, is amazing I love that song. Plus My father said that tonight we can drive my car to the gas station on the back country roads to get drinks for tomorrow. Last Saturday I was so dizzy and almost passed out. I swear its been super hot this summer, but its better then ten inches of snow!
Moving on today was pretty good. Joshie and I messed around at church racing threw the halls ways like eight year olds it was pretty fun I must admit xD We were there to paint the little kids area. My tag on my shirt is inc the freak out of me!!!! mmmk I'm better. I honestly don't feel like typing sorry guys.

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Swimming above water.

Okay so I just looked over my blog/layout and it looks pretty depressing and deep. I didn’t mean for it to turn out this way. It used to be pink and have Taylor Swift lyrics believe it or not. My thoughts are very scattered to night so I'm going to type whatever comes to my head. First of Tumblr is going really slow. I want to take my car out for a drive but no. I just got back from mowing the lawn for two and a half hours. PLEASE just let me drive my car down the freakin road parents of mine. Umm Jordan is constantly on my mind so I thought I'd throw him in there. Tomorrow I am going to the water park with Ashley and Josh. Then out for brunch with the family for my grandparents birthdays. Uhh oh yeah ealier today I went to the barn. Put a fan up in Flame's stall so he won't get so hot and sweaty. We rode in the indoor arena for like ten minutes then we both were sweating and we only trotted once. So we moved outside were there was a nice breeze. He did really good until my trainer/b.o's air conditioner came on causing him to freak and me pull really hard on his mouth to keep  my balance. Poor baby :(  My mom is in the shower right now. While I am waiting for her to get out so i can get in. Until then I shall smell like grass and horses. Not a bad mix..i guess.

peace.love
Morgan <3