Take it, Take all that I have

Just snuggling in my ned. So,ethings neber change while others are changing ebery second. Worta like me mood that temds to be no where and everywhere at once.Ohhh my glob i hate the type oh's in here but there is nothing i can do to change them. (im on my iPad). Lets see whats new um... my hair is blomde my parents trust me at like 1%. bit i cant blame them i havemt been perfect like i promised my 15 year oldself. sorry i let you down. I just expected better from myself and all i got was everything i never ever dreamed would be. The shit that has happened to ne has been my own fault this time. i just cant seem to snape out of ot. i want boys and lots o f them! Im a heart breaker and ive had my heart broken so now ots like im out to it everyome . So i can hurt the, nefore they hirt me. in a sick way it sounds about right. I think its time for me to change but i domt know how and im scared as hell.  Playing guitar and singing plus sleeping are the only things thay keep me saine these days. school syarts in like two days. i wanna cry it all cant be real. None of this can ne. it has to be a nightmare that i cant wake up from. Someone help me. please but i dont want help i just want to be able to forgive myself and move on and not make tthe same mistakes i have over and over again.What else is there to say? im ugly fat stupid shameful sinful hateful rude stuck up judgementel. just a shit of shit no ome could eber love or even like ...orwanna be like me. i just crave love. kissing hugging snuggling ....bit