Shake it to the moon.

I officially have a farmers tan xD I was outside mowing and weed waking at the barn to day. I'm so super tired, so I'm giving you a heads up this post is going to be short. Here are some made things i want to share with you guys. Number one, my birthday is in 12 days. Here I come Sweet sixteen :D Number two, I will be working with Lighting (aka: pony face) this Summer. His owner no longer will have time to train him. I think he's only five as well. So, he and I have some work to do. Number three, Yes Flame is still going to be my baby. After all I am leasing him xD I groomed him today as well.
Okay so goodnight, I'm going to pee and listen to music with my windows open until I fall asleep. I also rearranged my room to where yo can lay in bed and look up at the stars!

Stuck in a world no longer turning.

Dear Flame, Sometimes I forget to breathe around you, because you take my breath away. ♥

Okay i would to start off with the fact that I'm burning hot. I think its time to open up the windows! Right now I'm hearing to the sound of crickets and frogs outside my window. With Natasha Bedingsfield beautiful voice singing to wild horses. I'm smelling the smell of the outdoors and a little bit of mango lotion. I'm psychically feeling the the key board beneath my fingers and the ruff chair under me. I'm mentally feeling a little over whelmed, because I have a lot of school work to caught up on and my room needs to be cleaned. Excited because I get to work at the farm tomorrow and see Flame <3. I'm feeling some anxiety because what if I don;t get up on time tomorrow and I'm late for work?  I'm wearing my Rolex sky blue horse jumping shirt from 6th grade xD and grey shorts from 6th grade (i think there from 6th.) I'm bare foot and have my hair in a mess bun with a head band holding back my bangs. I'm thinking about Flame, Tumblr and my family and iTunes. Plus a bunch of random other thoughts. There's the update to this very second.

Wednesday and Thursday, I rode Flame with the saddle and bridle. Which we haven't done in a few months. My balance is getting better so I'm working at mastering the trot now. When I'm riding bare back I can turn around in circles on him and he doesn't even care. Then dismount by sliding off the back of him. xD Back to my main point. So we were working at the trot and he kept walk trot a few steps walk. He tired to buck me off, but I sat down after posting. He's rusty and so am I so this should be an interesting journey. After an hour and A half he was trotting all the way around the arena. (I still have to smooch the hold time and squeeze with my legs) Thursday, we worked on the same thing only warmed up back back them add the saddle and trotted. He tried to buck me off again because he wasn't trotting when I asked him to I squeezed hared and hit his withers then he flew into a super bumpy fast trot lets see if you can stay on kinda trot. Then he was all like fine thats not working and he put his ears back and his head down and to the side. I sat down from posting and made him come to a halt. I also made him back up a few steps. Flame is also having a problems with staying on the wall. He always wants to wonder off in the middle. As you can tell we have a LOT of work to do.
Wish us luck..really please.

My mom and dad just got back from dinner with my dad's boss for his 20th year working there at his company. I'm proud of him I must say :) Whitney and I watched Hope. (Mostly she did, but I helped as well.)  Tonight we were suppose to have a writing marathon. I don't think thats going to happen though. Considering I have an hour until my computer shuts down and I have to go to bed to get up early tomorrow morning.
Easter is Sunday and my mom and my aunt are in a fight. So, we are not having Easter over at there house like we usually do every year since I was born. Oh well we all are getting older and things happen. I told my mom "There are some people who care, the other are just curious". 

If only that someone was me.

Nothing interesting happened today. I didn't do school, because ...I guess there wasn't a reason I just didn't feel like it. Instead I went to the pawn shop North of town and only got $60 for my keyboard, that I bought for $250. Whatever I'm just not in a good mood. I mowed the lawn and my dad and I ate dinner at Mr.Good cents. Then we picked Hope up at my aunts. Came home took a shower now I'm one here wasting time. I feel ick..like sad. I HATE feeling like this. I want to cry, but nothings comes out. I should be happy..I should love life..I should be counting my blessings. Maybe I'm just pmings or I don't know. I quit doing the 30 day challenge I'm a epic fail waiting to happen so why try. Why isn't my meditation working?  ..May 30th my mom is having back surgery and I'm scared. i want nothing to happen to her. I know I act like I hate her sometimes..but i love her to death. Whitney, moved out Saturday and i miss her so bad. She called for the first time today, I told her I would call her back but I didn't. Things are awkward and weird between my cousins and me. I have no friends at all. All I want is Flame...he loves me no matter what. I love you Flame, your the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Dear Flame,
If only you knew my life was everything less then perfect. I'm scared, stupid, ugly. Everything you could never want. I thank you though for loving me for me. Even on my worst days. You were there for me and I thank you. I promise I will never leave you. My heart aches for that year and a half I left you. I will forever be yours as you will be mine. Flame, your my prince charming and I was so stupid for not seeing that.
Love me.

With out the fear, of the fall down

Day Five, a picture of your favorite memory.

The first time I got to ride <3 

My first day(Saturday aka yesterday) of work was long and labors, but it was good. The beginning of the day felt like it went on forever. It was below freezing and just that night I was starting to get a cold and it was just ewww. You would think it being mid April it wouldn't get so cold. Well thank you anyway cold weather for making my cold worst :/ Anyway, I feed the horses in the morning and took them out to there pastures. At one point I was taking Buck and Lighting (aka: pony face) out at the same time to save time and Lighting was trying to eat grass on the way down and Buck kept crossing in front of me. I think he was just confuses xD Then lighting got frustrated and almost bucked right at me. Until I showed him whose boss and after that he was perfect. Lighting, go the name pony face, because he is Part Welsh Pony and has the cutes face ever. I'll try to get a picture of him to show you guys. (Oh and he is a boarders.) I prepped and sifted eleven stalls. That took about two hours and a half. After I was with the stalls and blowing out the aisles I feed the horses for the after noon. I also ended up getting done an hour early, so I groomed Flame. He was amazing as always and as sweet as ever.


As for today, I ended up crashing on my bed at like nine and didn't wake up until eleven. We ended up not going to church considering it starts at eleven and takes forty five minutes to even get there not even counting the time to get ready. When I got up I watched Amish Grace with my mom. That movie is so sad, yet very sweet at the end. I'm not going to give it away though. We went to town further up north to a pawn store to sell somethings before we move. Turns out the weren't even open on Sundays xD So that was a waste, at least we got drinks and I was able to go ride Flame before the barn closed. Once again he was amazing and just yesterday I groomed him and he was almost black. He was almost as dirty as yesterday, I groomed him and rode bare back. <3 Oh and he jumped over some barrels. My balance isn't there yet or else I would be on him bare back jumping. I'm slowly getting there. Tomorrows Monday my lest favorite day of the week...start school again and beg for rides, so someone can take me out to the barn.

Night. 

Sometimes I feel cold as steel, broken like I'm never gonna heal.

Day Four- A picture of your favorite night. 

The Nebraska county fair, last August the day before school. On the way home when it was raining in the car and I had my iPod blasting music.

Sunday my parents went over to my trainer/B.O to talk about the job. About two hours later they came home and said "Go as you are, you have an interview." I went and they offered me a job working on Saturdays in exchange for co leasing Flame and once lease a month with my Trainer/B.O. Sometimes there are five Saturdays in a month and if i choose to work on those Saturdays i get paid cash. The work I will be doing is cleaning out stalls, morning and after noon feeding. mowing and weed eating. Maybe once I've been working for a while i will be training the boarder horses and riding the schoolies who need work. I start on this Saturday from 8am-5pm :) 


As for today, I will save that for another time...it wasn't the best lets just say.

TODAY IS THE BEST DAY EVER - Spongebob Squarepants.

Day three
A photo of your favorite TV cast.
THE HILLS <333

Yesterday, my sister(Whitney) and I went in our back woods. We followed the creek and walked about three miles. It was so much fun! xD On the way back we jumped in the creek that went up past our knees and had a mug fight. Haha, she got it in my ear so I was freaking out and threw rocks at her because were I was in creek there was no mud. The she threw rotted leafs at me. Our mom was so pissed when we came back. Also on the way back up to our house we found a HUGE patch of wild mini onions. We were gone for about two hours. After we were cleaned up and everything we went to my grandma's house were we ate dinner and Whitney spent the night there again, because she was going down south to see the rest of our family. 

Last night there was a big big big storm and our power went out. This is embarrassing but I'm so scared of thunderstorms and I started crying and hyperventilating.

As for today its super hot like 90's and I have no idea what I'm doing.

Later ...
Today my trainer/B.O called my mom earlier saying she had a job opening for me and wanted my parents to come over tomorrow after church. I'm so excited yet at the same time..I'm starting to question my skills of horses and if I could really handle 24 boarders. What if a horse really gets hurt and I don't know what to do. Or if I start hating work and stop going to the barn all together. Plus the stables is right down the road from my house and if we move I will have to drive 45mins there and such. I don't know what to do.