Take it, Take all that I have

Just snuggling in my ned. So,ethings neber change while others are changing ebery second. Worta like me mood that temds to be no where and everywhere at once.Ohhh my glob i hate the type oh's in here but there is nothing i can do to change them. (im on my iPad). Lets see whats new um... my hair is blomde my parents trust me at like 1%. bit i cant blame them i havemt been perfect like i promised my 15 year oldself. sorry i let you down. I just expected better from myself and all i got was everything i never ever dreamed would be. The shit that has happened to ne has been my own fault this time. i just cant seem to snape out of ot. i want boys and lots o f them! Im a heart breaker and ive had my heart broken so now ots like im out to it everyome . So i can hurt the, nefore they hirt me. in a sick way it sounds about right. I think its time for me to change but i domt know how and im scared as hell.  Playing guitar and singing plus sleeping are the only things thay keep me saine these days. school syarts in like two days. i wanna cry it all cant be real. None of this can ne. it has to be a nightmare that i cant wake up from. Someone help me. please but i dont want help i just want to be able to forgive myself and move on and not make tthe same mistakes i have over and over again.What else is there to say? im ugly fat stupid shameful sinful hateful rude stuck up judgementel. just a shit of shit no ome could eber love or even like ...orwanna be like me. i just crave love. kissing hugging snuggling ....bit

Losing your self.

Lately i just feel like shit. this past Wednesday mom and i got into a fight, Mrs.Alt found out i skipped her class twice and Bayleigh H. was spreading rumors to the whole cheer squad. Then everything with my parents fighting, school in general, and Whitney was to much for me to handle. So after three and half years of being clean, my wrist bled from perfect cuts that i had made. It just sucks. I should be happy, i have Flame, Bryce, schools almost out and its almost Summer. But I guess thats what the "almost" are for. hahah oh and o got my car taken away for not coming home at Bryce's house when i was suppose to. Aunt Meme has to pick me up from track practice at 7 on Monday.
URGH! i honest have thought more about killing myself theses last few days then i have ever in my whole life. The only thing i relized stopping me is my future with Bryce. I wanna be Mrs.Bryce Mikel Cashman <3. I want his babies. I want to be a military wife!! I just want to grow up and be out of college married to him. I have been crazy about guys before. Not like this though, this time its wayyyyyyy different. I love him and he loves me. *knock on wood* I had to its my anxiety.

well right now i am on Tumblr and looking up things on Sybil. She really interests me. I am also dreading how i have to work tomorrow.... fo;h eihgi  I want to have Flame and not work like i do. I mean will clean stalls just for him and stuff. But this stuff for the other horses...no. Well i love them all dont get me wrong but flame will always be my boy. I love him, and he is going to college with me <3.

...bye MEC.
(idk when my next update will be..school and family pretty much keeps me busy)..sadly (honestly i with i was home schooled again.)