Theses burning tears, show my fears.

I hate it when you think life couldn't get any better then this! What could possible go wrong? Then theres the fall down, when you think could my life get any worst then this? How did it go so wrong when it was going so right! I'm having one of those times. Everything is so much better when Whitney's here. I'm not even allowed to talk to her. Why? well lets see in my parents eyes. I had sex with a guy and lied to them were I was. Then there like "OH, YOU LOST ARE TRUST!!! YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DO ANYTHING!!! BITCH" Okay maybe not bitch, but still. In my eyes all i did was lie to my parents and told them Whitney and I were at zona(shopping mall) when we were really over at her guy friends. Who just happened to have a younger brother why age. We didn't have sex or anything!! Not even held hands, we just sat by each other and we did flirt. I will admit he's not the greatest of guys, but in my heart if he found someone who loved him dearly and would do anything for him. He would change and be perfect. I was just hoping that i was going to be that someone. But now its never going to happen. He hasn't even add me on Facebook and its been like two weeks going on three.  I hate being held down, if my parents would just leave me alone and let me do what I'm gonna do I wouldn't have to lie in the first place. Oh haha yeahhhhhhh i don't even have my phone :\ Life just kicked me as hard as it could in the ass. I'm so angry, pissed, frustrated, depressed, upset. Just everything you would never want to feel. Welp, cheers to being sixteen ..right?

Steady feet don't fail me now.

I just..its just. I'm suppose to be happy. I have everything I could want. A job, leasing Flame, Whitney's back home, a car. Not just any care a 98' Mustang convertible. *sigh* I'm not though...I feel like crying and breaking down. I'm not pmsy or anything. I'm just so unsure. Bisk. I don't know who i am. I don't know what I want. No matter what I have I'm never happy. Well. Being 15 wasn't what I thought it would be. Its..more of being unsure and confused then I have ever felt. I'm so used to being confident now..I'm everything but that. Now I think if I had someone to cuddle with and tell me its going to be okay, that I'll be happy. I know I won't I just want hope a  reason to like myself. I WANT TO BE PERFECT. that is what i deep down really want more then anything. I said it perfect! that is what I want.